Mutual Expression of Love Between the Spouses

I always like Sis. Zuraini's posting at UkS.. Here goes another one.. ;)
***

Salam to all,

Hmm what a satisfying reply fr d mufti among d group of Islamic researchers which definitely consist of few men i suppose....


Question
I have been married for five years now. I experienced very hard psychological and financial problems, which, thanks to Allah, eventually came to an end. I love my wife so much and she loves me, but she always accuses me of not expressing my love to her, and of being practical more than necessary while she is so romantic. She has been repeating such words so many times that I have grown to hate myself recently, though I do my best to ensure happiness for her and for my home. What shall I do?

Date
28/Apr/2005

Mufti
A Group of Islamic Researchers

Answer

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.

Thanks for your question, and we beseech Allah to inculcate love and affection among all married men and women.

As a Muslim husband, you should know that women tend to be more romantic than men. They like to hear tender words, to be praised, to feel that they are being cared for, to be the main concern of their husbands and the one to whom he directs his ardent love. You love your wife and your heart is full of love for her, but she does not hear anything of it. You begrudge the tender words she needs and the praise she deserves.

She deserves that you listen to her, praise her, and sympathize with her when she is troubled. She really needs this. She cannot ask anyone else for such things; she is a good believer and a sincere wife who can never ask another man for such emotions. Do you like her to be miserable? Do you accept that she suffers thirst although water is near but you keep it from her? You should know that her need for compliments and tender words is as real as her need for sustenance, clothing, and other things that you believe to be the source of happiness.

Real happiness needs psychological nourishment and material things are not enough to fulfill this kind of nourishment. So, express your love toward your wife, and give her the right she deserves—to be complimented, treated gently, played with. Let her see your love, and show her your great need for her. Men often find it difficult to open up and express their feelings, but this is what she is seeking. Talk to her, even about small things that happen at work, and also show an interest in what she does. You should do so in order to let her express her feelings and not to make her lose hope in you and, consequently, lose interest in you. Of course, we do not mean that she would be interested in another person.

Once, the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) was sitting with one of his Companions when another man passed by them. The man who was sitting with the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “I love this man (for Allah’s sake).” The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “Have you told him?” The man replied in the negative. So the Prophet said, “Go and tell him.” Thereupon, the man stood up and said to the other man, “I love you for Allah’s sake.” The other replied, “May Allah, for Whose sake you love me, love you.” (Reported by Ahmad) Thus, I would like to ask you who is more worthy of such feelings than the man with his wife and the woman with her husband?

The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) used to do so with his wives; he used to express his love toward them by word and deed. As for words, it is reported that `Amr ibn Al-`Aas (may Allah be pleased with him) asked the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) saying, “O Allah’s Messenger, whom do you love most, after Allah Almighty?” He (peace and blessings be upon him) replied, “`A’ishah.” `Amr ibn Al-`Aas then said, “And from among the men?” The Prophet answered, “Her father (Abu Bakr).” This hadith shows how great was the Prophet's love for `A’ishah, and this love was well-known among his Companions.

`A’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) said, “It would happen that Allah's Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) would take a utensil containing food, give it to me while I was having my menstrual period, and adjure me to eat from it. Then he would take the vessel being keen to put his mouth on the same place I put my mouth on.” Of course, the Prophet did this as a kind of compliment and to let his wife feel his affection. `A’ishah also swore that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) used to do the same when drinking water. She would drink then he would take the utensil and drink from it, putting his mouth where she had put hers.

By doing such things, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) intended to guide his nation as to how the relation between the spouses should be, how affection and mercy can last between them, and how the husband can talk gently and play with his wife.

The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “Be lenient toward glass vessels (that is, women)!” In this hadith, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) called women “glass vessels,” for they need care either in treatment or even in speech. Allah's Messenger further said, “Treat women kindly.” In addition, Allah Almighty says, “… and speak kindly to mankind …” (Al-Baqarah: 83) It goes without saying that our wives are more deserving to be treated kindly. They are our helpmates, our children's mothers, the ones who make our homes comfortable and fulfill our love desires.

In addition, a good word is an act of charity. The devil, indeed, sows discord among mankind. So if you, dear brother, want to preserve your happiness and insure that your wife is doing her duties toward you with content, you should know that the most beloved deed to Allah after the obligatory acts of worship is bringing happiness to a Muslim’s heart.

So what do you think of your most intimate companion, your permanent neighbor, your other half, your wife that you have chosen from among all other women? It does not take much effort on your part to learn to say “I love you” every day, to take her a small gift now and then, to phone her from work just to say “I love you,” to take her out alone now and then even if only for a walk, or in other ways to show your affection. Such small steps can go a long way to making her happy and strengthening your marriage.

You can also read:

Saying to Wife “You Are My Soul”
Islam's Stance on Love and Marriage
Husband and Wife: Mutual Rights and Obligations
The Status of Woman in Islam

May Allah guide you to the straight path, and guide you to that which pleases Him, Amen.

Allah Almighty knows best.

Faces of Hasif

Hasif: Mama unfair buat faces of Kakak je..
Mama: Oklah..Hasif pun Mama buatkan jugak, ye..

Name : Hasif Wajdi
Age : 11 mo
D.O.B. : 19th May 2004 (29 Rabiul Awal 1425H)
P.O.B. : Hospital Tg. Ampuan Afzan, Kuantan
Birth weight : 3.4 kg
Birth length : 49 cm
Hobby : Exploring, teasing Kakak
Fav. toy : Ball
Fav. food : Whatever served
Fav. drinks : ~mama's
Best friend : Abah & Cik A

Faces of Hanan

Name : Nurhanan Safiya
Age : 2 yo
D.O.B : 21st April 2003 (19 Safar 1424H)
P.O.B : Hospital Daerah Pekan, Pahang
Birth weight : 3.2 kg
Birth length : 51 cm
Hobby : Singing, drawing
Fav. song : Gemilang (Jac Victor), Jalur Gemilang (RTM), etc..
Fav. food : Rice with chicken soup & carrots
Fav. drinks : Ribena
Best friend : Che' A (Cik A), Doraemon & Barney

Happy Delivery..

To all Mak Buyungs of 2005..
Happy Delivery!

1. Fiza 2. Kak Oya 3. Kak Zie 4. Ira 5. Kak Ana (UkS) 6. Kak Yeanti (UkS) 7. Kak CT Azma
sape lagi?

Just to share.. something about antenatal care.

Thrush during pregnancy

Vaginal thrush, also called yeast infection or candidiasis, is an overgrowth of yeast that leads to a range of unpleasant symptoms, such as itching and soreness around the vagina.
More info..

How do you get thrush?

Vaginal infections are fairly common in pregnancy. Thrush is caused by a microscopic fungus called Candida albicans. This organism lives in the intestinal tract of both men and women, and nearly one third of all women have it in their vagina. It only becomes a problem when its numbers outgrow competing microorganisms. During pregnancy, the vagina is rich in glycogen which promotes the growth of Candida — hence, a pregnant woman is 10 times more likely to get thrush than when she is not expecting. (www.babycenter.com)

How thrush is diagnosed?
Some health care providers may diagnose thrush based only on visual and reported symptoms, but to be absolutely sure, she or he will need to take a swab, or sample, of the mucus in your vagina. This involves inserting a speculum into your vagina and wiping a swab on the vaginal wall to get a sample for examination. Ask for a swab to be taken if your doctor doesn’t do it automatically.

Treatments

You should not use oral treatments for thrush if you are pregnant. If you think you have an infection, let your doctor or midwife know. Your doctor may prescribe you some pessaries that are safe to use at your stage of pregnancy. Don't treat yourself with over the counter medications unless you have spoken to your GP first.

Preventions

• Eating yogurt is not the only thing you can do to ward off a yeast infection.
• Wear cotton underpants and pantyhose with a cotton crotch.
• Keep the area dry. Candida albicans thrives in warm, moist areas.
• Eat a diet high in grains, vegetables and protein.
• Avoid eating processed foods, sugar and alcohol. You may also want to reduce the amount of simple carbohydrates in your diet.

While a yeast infection does not pose a problem to your child during pregnancy, a yeast infection during labor may lead to oral thrush. Thrush in infants is different from a vaginal yeast infection. However, it can easily be treated by your child’s health care provider.

(http://www.pregnancy-info.net/thrush.html)

My Princess is already 2 yo..

Satu petang, Mama tgh lipat kain depan TV. Hanan & Hasif tgh busy dgn urusan masing-masing. Tiba-tiba Mama terasa lenguh, "Hanan, tolong urut kaki Mama.." Hanan dtg mendekati Mama, lalu menggosok kaki Mama sedikit, beberapa ketika kemudian berhenti, menoleh ke arah Mama seraya berkata, "Mama ngada-ngada.."
What?? Terlopong Mama..

***

Hanan's 2nd Birthday, 21st April.

Happy Birthday, my dear..

I still remember those proud moments..hari pertama kita bergelar Abah & Mama.

Rasa bangga dapat sambut sendiri..

- Abg

stop the killing..!

http://my.so-net.net.tw/sirwang/fur.wmv

sian nye.. sian nye.. huhuhu..

already two..

Alhamdulillah..

Dah lama teringin nak tulis pengalaman bersalin 2 tahun berturut-turut. 2 tahun yg 2 kali berbeza tempat berpantang.. :)

Hanan (born 21st April 2003, Hospital Daerah Pekan, at 10.12 am)
2-3 weeks before delivery, Mama and Abah Hanan 'berpindah utk berpantang', ke rumah Cik (Hubby's mother) di Medan Tok Sira. Waktu tu, Abah Hanan masih bertugas di Hosp. Pekan dan kami menyewa di Taman Berjaya Permai, Kempadang.

20/4/03, Ahad. Mama punye instinct kuat betul. Hari tu rasa mcm nak siapkan basuh kain baju dan kemas2 bilik tidur. Takut bila dah bersalin nanti, terpaksa pulak Cik ambik alih. hehe.. Petang tu, Pakcik Yusof and Makcik Natrah bertandang ke rmh Cik. Saja jalan2 kot. Makcik Natrah beritahu cucu sulung dia (Aisyah Qistina) lahir 21 April 2002. Caesar.. Malam tu, menonton VCD 3 Abdul dgn Abah Hanan kat PC. Boring sbb taktau nak buat apa.

21/4/03, Isnin.
4.00 am- rasa sakit belakang & pinggang. Ingatkan disbbkan katil dan tilam tu yg buatkan backache. Abah Hanan suruh sabar..dia sambung tidur. Gelisah..takleh lelap betul
4.30 am- makin sakit. Every 5 minutes dtg sakit-sakit mcm period pain. Kejutkan AbahHanan lagi. Hmm..dah sampai masa agaknya.
5.00 am- Cik dah bgn utk siapkan Nasi Kerabu utk dijual. Beritau Cik. Cik suruh mandi dan siap2. Mungkin pukul 4 petang nanti baru bersalin. Mandi. Azan Subuh sayup2 dari masjid. Masa nak ambil wuduk utk solat Subuh, nmpk lendir coklat kat lantai bilik mandi. Teringat Lyana cerita pasal 'show'.. maybe ye dah ni.
6.00 am- Call Ibu (Wan). Tanya patut solat ke tak. Ayah (Tokki) kata tak payah (?). Ibu hari ni ada kursus kat Rompin.
7.00 am- Breakfast. Sakit masih 5 minit sekali. Abah Hanan kata nak bwk ke Hospital Pekan. Kalau belum bersalin, dia leh continue keje :-P Takde selera pun makan..
8.15 am- sampai kat area kilang2 kat Pekan tu, masa ni masih dlm kete. "Arrrkkk..sakik nyer, Abg.." ~dalam hati je la. Segan sbb Cik ada..hehehe.
8.30 am- terus ke labour room. Itu pun Abah dia tinggalkan je kat pintu sbb nak park kete dulu.. attendan bwk naik atas. Takde patient lain pun..
9.00 am- Dr Norhuda dtg. Dah bukak 5 cm. Terus pecahkan waterbag. Oh, dear..sakit nyeee lepas air dah pecah.
9.30 am- Abah dia tunggu je kat sebelah. Cik kat luar. Ibu on the way. Masa ni baca Doa Nabi Yunus & istighfar. Masa dtg sakit tu, baca doa tu. Abah Hanan pesan jgn menjerit masa sakit. Malu kat misi..kuang kuang.
9.45 am- Rasa mcm nak B.O. Ckp kat misi. Misi kata jgn teran dulu. Misi pun panggil Abah Hanan yg kat luar masa tu. Check2 dah bukak penuh dah..
10.00 am- Err..tak tercerita la.
10.12 am- Baby GIRL!! Alhamdulillah.. baby weight 3.2kg. Delivered by Dr. Hilmi, assisted by S/N Ramlah.

Hujan renyai2 kat luar. Pagi 19 Safar 1424H yang sungguh indah.. Ibu sampai sambil berkata "cepat nye la bersalin budak ni.." :D
Rezeki baby, lepas 60 hari, report duty kat UIAM, Kuantan, as a Science Officer, dan Abah Hanan pun sama, as a Trainee Lecturer.

Hasif (born 19 May 2004, Hospital Tg. Ampuan Afzan, Kuantan, at 6.41 am)
Sept 2004. Tergamam bila buat UPT result nye POSITIF!! Masa ni kat KB, Abah dia ke USM sbb ada course. Hanan masa tu baru 5 bulan. Kira accident la jugak. Tak la pulak plan seawal ini! Macam2 yg dirasai waktu ini. Sepanjang tempoh kehamilan, byk jgk la dugaan especially bila kena tinggal. Selalu Abah dia kene pegi USM. So Wan pun suggest suruh amik maid.
Feb 2005. Bibik Sunarti dtg. Ringan la sikit bebanan..lagipun senang bila Abah dia takde kat rmh. Ada jgkla org teman.
15/4/04- rasa contraction mcm nak bersalin. Sejak 6 pagi lagi dah rasa. Tapi baru week 34. Masa sampai office, terus gi jumpa Cik Hasriah & Dr. Aishah. Diorg suruh segera ke hospital. Contraction every 1 minute!! 3 cm dah! Tak tersangka-sangka. Admitted ward due to Threatened preterm labour. That serious aaa?
Anyway..saje je gimmick. After being Tocolysed*, no more contraction. Alhamdulillah. Kalau tak, allow labour la.. tentu Hasif akan duduk dlm Incubator..taktau la cemana keadaan kalaulah terjadi mcm tu. Tapi Allah Maha Kuasa.. Mama dapat Medical Leave for 2 weeks.. yey!
*Tocolysis:The delaying or inhibition of labor during the birth process.
18/5/04, Selasa- Abah baru balik dari 2 week course kat USM (again). Actually, Abah ke sana utk sit exam. For 2 weeks all of us (Mama, Hanan & Bibik) stayed at Wan's house. Just in case. Tapi sepjg Abah takde, takde tanda2 pun. Sampai la Abah balik..
19/5/04, Rabu- Kat rumah. Abah Hanan ada.
At 3 am.. gelisah. Tak leh tido. Terasa lagi yg tahun lepas punya pengalaman. "Abang..jom lah kita terus ke HTAA".. "Ok!"
4.00 am- Mama had some biscuits and drinks for energy. Kejutkan Bibik. 4.30 am- HTAA.
5.00 am- went to Screening Room for VE. Show baru keluar. Dah bukak 4 cm.
5.30 am- Labour Room. Pun tak ramai patient.. Waterbag dipecahkan, by Dr A. Bushro. Here we go againnn.. ouch..sakit nye.. hehehe. Doa Nabi Yunus again..and again. (no screaming..ok..ok..)
6.15 am- Abah Hanan pegi solat Subuh. Sakitnye waktu ni. Labour Room pulak sejuk mcm ais. Stafnurse kesian. So dia kasi Pethidine (for pain relief).
6.30 am- Tak tertahan dah. Dah bukak sepenuhnya ni. Pethidine tu pun belum jalan lagi. Abah dia tak balik2 lg. Rasa nak tercabut jantung la.. :P
6.41 am- Sempat jgk Abah dia sambut utk kali kedua.. Baby BOY. Alhamdulillah..3.4 kg. Delivered by Dr Hilmi, assisted by Dr. A. Bushro.

Drowsy lepas kene Pethidine tu. Tokki, Wan, Cik Yah dtg..siap masuk labour room lagi. Once again, kedengaran sayup2.."Cepat betul bersalin".. Masa ni taktau apa bende org tny. Jawab pun melalut je. Kesan drug tu. Hehhe.

Rezeki 2nd baby, Abah Hanan passes the exam. Alhamdulillah.. Ya Allah, Maha Pemurah.. Berita gembira 29 Rabiul Awal 1425H..

Tapi kali ni, berpantang kat rmh Ibu pulak.. hehe.. adil & saksama gitu..

Want You Back For Good..

Ummi & Ayah Aisya, during raya 2003

Medic Info (GDM)

Name: Puan Norafiza Nordin
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Occupation: Admininistrative Assistant
Race: Malay
Gr. 02, P. 01, Week 32
Medical Problem : Gestational Diabetes Mellitus (GDM)

Family Medical History
Diabetes- Father

Diagnosis
MOGTT*
*Modified Oral GlucoseTolerance Test
= 4.5 / 7.5/ 8.5 mmol/L

Repeat Blood Glucose Test
= 5.2/9.7/5.6/6.2 mmol/L

Final Diagnosis
Result meets treatment goal (kui..kui..mandai2 niih)

*The commonly accepted treatment goal is to maintain a fasting capillary blood glucose level of less than 95 to 105 mg per dL (5.3 to 5.8 mmol per L); the ambiguity (i.e., the range) is due to imperfect data. The postprandial treatment goal should be a capillary blood glucose level of less than 140 mg per dL (7.8 mmol per L) at one hour and less than 120 mg per dL (6.7 mmol per L) at two hours. Patients not meeting these goals with dietary changes alone should begin insulin therapy (http://www.aafp.org/afp/20031101/1767.html)

Discussion
(cewahhh..mcm la terer..mintak laluan ye Doktor2 sumer.. org kebanyakan nak cerita pasal KENCING MANIS SEWAKTU MENGANDUNG dgn ayat2 org kebanyakan)

Gestational diabetes mellitus (GDM) is a common but controversial disorder. (cey..)

*The cause of gestational diabetes is unknown. It is thought that the hormones produced during pregnancy may block the action of insulin. Gestational diabetes can happen if the mother's body can't produce enough extra insulin to counteract this blocking effect. http://hcd2.bupa.co.uk/fact_sheets/html/diabetes_in_pregnancy.html

Kebanyakan patient yg ada GDM, mempunyai history ayah yg ada diabetes mellitus @ kencing manis.. (Dr, ada type2 dia ekk?)

Simptom2 GDM;

• kerap kencing, dahaga, cepat letih.
• High blood sugar (of course)
• Glucose level (paras gula) tinggi * akan memerlukan ibu mengandung melalui terapi insulin (kesan: Fetus akan menjadi besar apabila gula ibu disimpan dlm darah fetus lalu ditukar menjadi lemak dlm fetus)

GDM juga boleh membawa kepada polyhydramnios di mana amniotic liquid (air ketuban) menjadi terlalu byk. (Dr, kalau salah sila betulkan..hehe) Check this..

Bagi ibu yg mengambil terapi insulin, selepas melahirkan baby, kemungkinan baby akan mengalami hypoglycemia keadaan di mana kandungan gula dlm darah rendah. Any blood glucose value below 4.0mmol/L is considered hypoglycemia. Ini kerana hormon insulin dari ibu yg memasuki darah baby merendahkan tahap gula dlm darah baby. Namun begitu, paras gula akan kembali normal apabila hormon insulin dlm darah baby hilang. (sila refer keratan di bawah)

:D Oleh kerana tak reti dah nak explain (dah penat dah study), maka amik jelah dr website http://hcd2.bupa.co.uk/fact_sheets/html/diabetes_in_pregnancy.html

The effects of gestational diabetes

Effects on the fetus during pregnancy

• Having high blood sugar can cause the baby to grow larger, which can make delivery difficult and potentially cause injuries to both mother and baby during birth. In some cases a caesarean section is necessary.

Effects on the baby after birth

• The baby may have low blood sugar (hypoglycaemia) after birth. This is because the baby's pancreas makes extra insulin in response to the mother's high blood sugar levels. Shortly after birth, the baby may continue to make extra insulin even though high levels of blood sugar are no longer present. After a pregnancy affected by gestational diabetes, the newborn baby's blood sugar level is checked regularly. Sometimes babies are given an early feed of a sugar (glucose) solution through a drip (fed directly into a vein) to correct low blood sugar.
• It is more likely that the newborn baby will develop jaundice (yellowing of the skin and whites of the eyes). This is not serious and usually fades over a few weeks, without the need for medical treatment.
  There is an increased risk that the baby will be born with congenital problems, such as a heart defect. Sometimes, infants can be born with respiratory distress syndrome, in which the baby has problems breathing because his or her lungs have not matured as normal. This usually clears up with time.
  There is also a slightly higher chance of stillbirth or death as a newborn, but if detected and the glucose levels well managed, death is rare.
• There may be an increased risk of the baby developing type II diabetes or being overweight later in life.

Effects on the mother

• Gestational diabetes is not an immediate threat to the woman's health. Most women with gestational diabetes whose blood sugar levels stay within the safe range deliver their babies without complications. However, in some women it can result in high blood pressure.

Women who get gestational diabetes are more likely to develop gestational diabetes in future pregnancies, and are at a higher risk of developing type II diabetes later in life.

#:-S Banyak lg info..leh check di byk website http://www.aafp.org/afp/20031101/1767.html etc.